Around the Riverbend
by SenatorBonteri
Summary: This story was created primarily for laughs. Move along.


Aramis had recently found himself with something to do on a routine basis other than kiss Lillia Fortuna. A few days, maybe a week, ago… he'd taken Mechi's friend, Nona, as a padawan. Her Jedi training was a daily thing. However, he hadn't taken her on a mission yet. But that was about to change. Mechi had also been spending some more time with Lux on Rhen Var than usual. She'd also become very good friends with Lillia. Now, one day, as the lavender Togruta was training under the Chiss among the Shadow Knights, Lux got a notification from his spies on Rakata Prime. That could only mean one thing. The Unburnt Empire was on the move. As Lux took a look at the message he'd gotten, he called Aramis and Nona into the common area of the castle.

Nona popped her head in first. "What's up boss? You look worried." Instead of sitting she stood and swayed slightly. Still full of energy.

Aramis walked in after Nona. "I take it you need something done. Is that not so, Bonteri?"

"How would you like to go on a mission?" Lux asked. "I've just heard that the Unburnt Empire, my enemies, have dispatched a party of their troops to a remote world. Whenever it's a party, as opposed to a whole invasion force, they're most likely treasure hunting for an artifact that their leader thinks might be useful. Our objective is simple. Find out what they're up to and stop them in their tracks. Preferably by beating them to whatever they're looking for." He paused and then said. "Are you in?"

The whole time he explained, Nona's eye grew wider and brighter, clearly she was way too excited. The swaying had picked up, a little rock on her heels had been added and she almost screamed her answer. "Yes! Yes I wanna go! Please can we go?! I wanna go!"

Lux smiled a little. "Very well. You will. You and Aramis both. I'll accompany you too. Some of my troops will meet us on the river planet of Hantanala. Follow me to my shuttle." He then began to lead the way. His astromech droid followed him as well.

As Aramis began to follow Lux and Tyrion, with Nona happily trailing behind as well in all likely hood, Lillia watched them go. She wouldn't be coming along on this one. Not this time. But she smiled to herself and said something under her breath as if she were talking to Aramis. "May the force be with you, love."

The overly excited Togruta trailed behind her master with a sort of manic air. It had been some time since she'd been on a real mission and the Unburnt were new territory. "Will Mechi be coming on this one too?" She asked of Lux, she didn't think Aramis would know or care.

Lux stopped in his tracks, smiling. "I'll ask her. Hold on." He then commed Mechi. "Hey there. Me, Nona, and Aramis are going on a mission. Want in?"

Despite the time, a sleepy Mechi answered with a loud yawn. "Yeah man, where we going?" There was a thud and some scuffling, when she answered again it sounded like she was brushing her teeth. "I can be ready in ten minutes." Nona was thrilled.

"Alright." Lux smiled a little wider. "I can give you ten minutes." He then filled her in on what he'd told Nona and Aramis.

"OH _ YEAH!" she hung up and true to her word she was there in ten minutes in one of her usual all black outfits. Mechi greeted them as she stepped out of her portal and immediately hugged Nona and then Lux. Her hair was a mess.

Lux hugged Mechi back and then opened the hatch on his shuttle. "Ladies first." He said, motioning for Nona and Mechi to board it. The girls went in together, talking quickly and giggling. When they took their seats they clasped each other's hands and made the same crazy smile at the boys. Missions were exciting. Lux, Tyrion, and Aramis, boarded after they did. Then Tyrion entered the coordinates for Hantanala in the nava computer as Lux took off. Then jumped to light speed once they were ready. "Here we go!"

When they came out of hyperspace in orbit of the planet, his troops had arrived not long before he had. They commed him and said, "My lord. You'd better hurry up and land that shuttle on the airborne platform the rest of us are parked on."

"Umm… right." Lux then noticed that the terrain of the planet which wasn't covered in water was so jagged and rocky that it was their best option to land on a platform. The main form of plant life was moss and evergreen trees planted in forests so thick that there were barely any clearings to be seen. There were a lot of rivers and a large body of freshwater they all seemed to lead to.

Mechi was the first to smash her face against the ship window. "Oh wow... it's crazy down there." Nona was already up by the door, ready to get moving.

Lux made a landing where his troops had directed him. Then he opened up the hatch to see Mercury and Venus, two of his pilots who could also work as ground forces if they wanted to, and twelve other troopers. "There you are. There's a staircase leading down to the surface from here. We haven't seen the Unburnt land yet." Mercury explained.

Aramis could sense they were there anyway. "I sense they're already here. They probably used drop pods."

Lux said, "Then we'd better get going quick. Maybe there are inhabitants on this world we can question."

Nona had taken her place next to her master, Mechi was still heading down the ramp. "So the Inflammable are clearly already here. Do they know we're here too?"

"They're probably expecting us by now." Aramis said as they descended the staircase. Tyrion stayed on the shuttle.

Lux spied something or someone moving in the trees on the way down. "I suppose we can start there." He muttered to himself.

Mechi had sidled up next to Lux. "Everything ok over here, cap'n?" She looked in the direction he was, scanning the trees. "See somethin'?" Nona was doing her best to look proper and composed.

"Either a critter or an inhabitant. But it's a better lead than nothing." Lux replied.

Aramis, deep down, was beginning to miss his lady friend already. She'd been with him on the last two missions like this he'd been on. It was a bit lonelier for him without her by his side. But he did his best to bury those feelings for now. They had a job to do. "Master...?" Nona questioned Aramis from his left. "I know I haven't been training with you long...but I hope my friendship can help you ease whatever it is that's bothering you." She gave him a weak smile.

Aramis smiled and patted her shoulder. "Thanks."

Venus and Mercury followed Lux in silence. So did the rest of the troops. Then they reached the bottom. The thing Lux saw moving turned out to be an inhabitant. It looked like an alien from the movie E.T. Oh wait. That's just what it was. It started to speak its own language first. After the soldiers looked confused, it spoke English. "What brings you folks here?"

Lux replied, "Unfortunately, we're here to stop a faction called the Unburnt Empire. Do you know anything about it?"

The alien replied, "Oh. The white dome heads? Yeah. They seemed to be headed down one of the two rivers that leads to the cave of the golden Krayt. That's an artifact some say has powers. Others say its just an old idol. If you're going after the same thing, you'd better hurry up and do it. They're already way ahead of you in their boats. Speaking of which, you'd better borrow some of ours if you didn't bring your own."

"How much?" Lux asked as he prepared to pay up.

"Just make sure they don't get it. We'd prefer to keep it on our world." The alien answered.

"Alright. Fair deal." Lux said.

The alien motioned for some of his friends to get boats ready. Then turning back to the rebels, he asked them, "Do you all want to go the safe and slow way? Or the dangerous and fast way? Because there's two rivers that lead to the cave of the golden Krayt. One steady and the other raging."

Nona smiled wide and threw her hand up. "Fast and dangerooooous!"

Mechi very slowly leaned over to Lux before they got in the boats, she whispered through clenched teeth. "You know this is how movies start right? We're about to be in an adventure movie." After a pause she whispered again. "I need a cool hat" Lux laughed a little, gave her a one arm hug, and then bought her a black snap side booney hat just for the occasion while the boats were being fetched. They were inflatable rafts with double ended paddles. Each one could fit two people. This was because the fast and dangerous way was selected. Given the urgency of the situation.

Aramis got into a boat with Nona, Venus got with Mercury as the other troops randomly selected paddle buddies. Lux, of course, got paired with Mechi for this. He went in the back of the boat. He intended to steer and propel it while Mechi just propelled it. He'd actually been on one or two of these trips before the Clone Wars got started and his father was still alive. His mother too. But he was only ten or eleven years old back then. "I hope I still remember how to do this." He said to himself.

They had pushed off not long after being given their life vests too. Just in case anyone fell overboard. Then they were instructed at the very last minute to take a right the first split in the river... to go down the fast way. So Lux's boat took the lead as the alien guide shouted out, "You'll know you're there when things have gotten about as dangerous as they can be! When that happens, just try to stay alive!"

Lux suddenly got a little concerned. "Okaaaay. He speaks as if he's just sent us to our deaths." While they moved along Mechi was humming an adventure theme to herself, Nona was focused and alert. Oddly enough, Mechi seemed to be pretty good at propelling the boat along. Her friend however was having troubles. Then came the first rapids Lux did his best to stay clear of the rocks as he and Mechi went through them. Aramis was in the back of his own boat too. Now, for all Aramis's speed and skill in battle, he was just as unprepared for this as Nona. There wasn't much of a safety tutorial. So, he gulped a bit. The soldiers were a bit more skillful at this than the Jedi were but not as much as their leader.

Mechi was having the time of her life. The rapids caused her to whoop and laugh, she was keeping pace with Lux and very much enjoying herself. "THAT LITTLE ALIEN BRO KNOWS WHATS UP!" the little red head shouted over the water. Nona was swearing and trying not to cry. She hadn't learn many force tricks yet to keep her calm, but she was trying her best.

"Hahahaha!" Lux laughed too. He was glad Mechi was enjoying this. He didn't know why but he found Mechi especially cute when she was happy. There were only two people in the galaxy whose happiness meant more to him. His wife's and his daughter's.

Meanwhile, Aramis tried to tell his apprentice, "Calm down!" But he sounded a little nervous himself. "You're the one who chose this way." Then they started to drift a little too close to a low hanging tree branch on the left bank of the river. "Duck!" He shouted to Nona as it was about to hit her in the chin.

The other rebels looked up at the sky when they had a minute. They noticed some rather large flying creatures up there. Circling around like vultures. "Wonder what they're doing…" Mercury said to Venus.

"Keep your eyes on the river, fish." She replied as she kept paddling. He soon resumed as well.

Nona ducked with enough time to clear the branch with her horn doohickeys, Mechi was now screaming a Disney song that went along with their situation. "JUST AROUND THE RIVERBEND! WAITING JUST AROUND THE RIVER BEEEEEEEEEEND!" Of course at this point she threw her arms wide and almost lost the oar in the process.

"Hehehehe!" Lux found her more and more amusing and adorable by the minute.

Aramis ducked too. "Phew!" Then he noticed he was having a hard time keeping up with Lux and Mechi. That's when some of the soldiers began to pass him.

Then came a small waterfall up ahead. About four feet tall. Lux told Mechi, "Keep your knees tight and your back relaxed. Lean back just a little and try to stay in the raft." He was speaking from past experience. That's when Mechi's crazy laughing started. She did as he said but she couldn't seem to stop laughing. Nona was over-correcting and sending rapid fire apologies. "Whoooooo! Yes!" Lux shouted. He hadn't been having this much fun since... he couldn't remember when, exactly. Maybe since the last time he'd gone flying over Onderon with Ahsoka one time shortly after their honeymoon was over. The rebel troopers did what their leader suggested as well. They went over the falls with no problem either. Some of them NEARLY lost their balance. But only almost.

Then as Aramis went over the falls with Nona... well, this was where he fell out of the raft. "WHAAAAH!" He hit the water with a big loud splash!

"Master!" Nona stood up... in the boat. The splash was impressive and the boat tipping was even more so.

Mechi whipped her head around as Nona's call and watched the whole thing happen. "...Dang son. We should probably fix that."

They were unaware they were being spied on from the bushes on the bank to the right. The Unburnt shadow troopers had cloaking devices making sure they weren't visible to the naked eye... and Aramis and Nona probably weren't going to sense them at this time. "Well, well, well... here they are again." One whispered to the other before sending a message to their operation's leader. "Hurry up. They're on their way."

"I copy." Came the reply on the other end.

Meanwhile, Aramis swam up to Nona... not knowing he probably should have been swimming on his back instead of his front. Feet headed downstream and not up. "Help is on the... OOF!" Then he his face hit a rock. "AH!" Then his foot got caught in river grasses. "Whooooooaaa!" Then next thing he knew, he and Nona were both tied up against opposite sides of a hollow log and careening out of control down the raging river of death. "Gaaahahahaha!" Lux didn't know whether to be amused or concerned. Old rule. If it happens to you or a loved one, it's tragedy. If it happens to someone else, it's comedy. In any event, Mercury and Venus couldn't help but chuckle... despite that the river was getting wilder and the current stronger and faster by the second. Mechi however, had caught something on her peripheral force sense right before Nona and Aramis took their tandem log ride. She brushed it off to concentrate on not falling out of the boat and at the same time trying to slow her friends down.

Then as the water got completely calm, Lux saw what was just ahead and knew they were there. "Quick! Go ashore!" He shouted. His men did the same.

Nona said to Aramis at this time, "I don't know about you. But I'm getting all funned out."

Then Aramis saw what Lux saw. "Uh oh."

"Don't tell me. We're about to go over a HUGE waterfall."

"Yep."

"Sharp rocks at the bottom?"

"Most likely."

"... Bring it on."

Then they both ended up screaming as they went right over it. "BOOOYAAAHAHAHAHAHA! NUUUUUU!"

Lux shook his head, facepalmed, and said, "Prepare your descent cables." After a pause, he added. "I just hope they're still alive."

His sister shrugged. "I'd sense if they were dead. Ya'll handle that. My spidey sense is tingling." She pointed at the woods "QUIT WHISPERING! It's freaking me out!" Lux looked where she was pointing, caught her meaning, and fired two blaster bolts in the general direction. After that, the two shadow troopers became visible in death. They also fell down. One onto the river bank, one into the river itself... and lifeless over the falls.

Down at the bottom of the falls, Aramis and Nona had swam ashore. Exhausted. Aramis looked up and said, "Let's NEVER do this again."

"I'm terribly sorry, master. I thought it'd be fun... but agreed. Never again."

Nona flushed purple as Mechi called down to them. "HEY GUYS! WE SHOT SOME BADDIES! SOME JEDI YOU ARE! LEAVE IT TO THE DARKSIDER, HUH?!"

Aramis sighed. "We're on our way up!" He then saw two soldiers coming down via descent cables. They'd carry them back up to the top.

Then Lux looked behind and saw the cave entrance they were looking for. "Here it is. I just hope they aren't already in there. I'm not a Jedi or Sith... but I don't need to be to sense trap of some sort."

"I'll go in first." Mechi hopped onto dry land and started for the cave. "I know it's dumb but like... you don't have any super powers. She shrugged a shoulder."

He nodded and then said, "I'll be right behind you with my men." Venus and Mercury had just finished bringing Aramis and Nona back up.

"Rad." Mechi nodded before stepping into the cave, she ignited her turquoise saber to use as a flashlight. Nona was drying off just outside the cave. Aramis was the second to last one in. He and Nona would watch the backs of everyone else. Lux did exactly what he said he'd do. He followed Mechi in with his men right behind him. Aramis was beginning to sense a trap too, though. With her hand out in front of her Mechi stopped walking and used the force to see where they were headed. Nona did the same. Lux turned on a flashlight. The troops turned on head lamps. Mechi halted the whole company and poked the ground with her lightsaber causing the ground to fall in. "Booby traps. There's probably several along the way. So no one run ahead all crazy."

Lux nodded in understanding and relayed the news to his troops. "You heard what she said. Don't get ahead of her."

Suddenly, Aramis turned around and ignited his saber. There was an aggressive Orpali Dragon right behind them. "Look out!" He said. The creature charged up to him with a growl just before getting cut down by the light saber.

Nona had been ready to help, but he was much too quick in taking it down. "Master that was incredible..." She held her saber high to search for any more threats. Mechi did too.

"I'm sensing something," the red head called out. That's when the pit in front of them started hissing.

Lux saw a flock of Mynocks coming towards them from in front all of the sudden. His troops gunned most of them down but one reached Nona. Quick on her feet and eager to please, she sliced it down. "Huh, gross." The girls said together. It was an extreme effort to not laugh. "Hey, pfft. Lux" Nona began. "I heh... hehe. Me and Mechi can toss your crew over the hole. I'm sure master wouldn't mind helping?" she turned to Aramis.

Lux thought for a second or two and then said, "Well, alright." The pit was getting bigger. Soon they wouldn't be able to go around it.

"Alright men!" Mechi jumped with the force and got herself over first. "Form a line and stand next to the Jedi!" She turned on her flashlight and carefully stepped on it so it was a standing beacon. "I'll grab you from here and they'll lead you from there." They did as instructed and soon they were all over the pit. Afterwards, they pressed on in the same formation they were in before.

Eventually, Lux spied an Unburnt Storm trooper commander ahead of them. His armor was golden. He was standing next to an empty pedestal. Lux took out his blaster and set it to stun. The storm trooper turned around to see it aimed at him. In his hand was a small golden statue of a greater Krayt dragon. Could this be what they had come all this way for? Either way, the enemy said, "Warlord Bonteri and company. I'm Commander Midas of the Unburnt Empire. I see you've made it. It seems a pity you're too late. I have what I came for and I'll be the only one getting out of here."

That was when about thirty storm troopers came out of the shadows and surrounded the rebels. "Blast." Lux said. He set his weapon to kill but didn't fire it. This would take brains. Not brawn.

"One false move and you're all dead men." Midas told them. Then he started to causally walk away in the same direction they had all come in.

Aramis said nothing out loud, But Nona and Mechi could hear his voice in their heads. "When I give the signal, we all do a force repulse. Knock them all backwards. Then we all start to fight them."

Midas went out of sight. A few seconds later, one of the other Unburnt storm troopers was commed by him. "Gun them down. Now."

"NOW!" Aramis shouted. He used a mighty force push to knock back ten of the surrounding enemy units. He hoped Mechi and Nona would do the same.

"Would that make me and Nona dead girls then since... oh... he walked away..." Mechi didn't have much time to pout however because Aramis had something to say. The girls dug their heels in and unleashed a combined force blast right as the older Jedi gave the signal.

Lux and his men opened fire on the enemy... and soon they were all gunned down. "Quick! After the commander!" Lux shouted. But by the time they got to the pit, which some of them thought would have stopped Midas in his tracks, they didn't see him there. He'd flown over it with a jet pack… which were standard in the Unburnt army. After they went over the pit in the same way they did before, Lux had a feeling they were indeed... too late. He was right too. They got out of the cave and the first thing they saw was an Unburnt shuttle flying away and out of range of a rocket launcher, having picked up Midas and allowed him to complete his mission. "Well, C'est la guerre, men." Lux said with a slight sigh. "I guess you can't win them all."

"What a sack of crap that guy was." The very annoyed Mechi crossed her arms and legs to sit in the dirt. Her pout was pronounced.

Nona stood at attention by her master's side but it was clear she too was disappointed by the loss. "I don't even know what that thing was and I'm mad!"

Lux frowned and said, "Come on, people. Let's go home." He commed Tyrion to bring his shuttle on over to pick them up.

THE END.


End file.
